Five Things to do Before Winter Ends

Winter

Five Things to do Before Winter Ends

It’s February, and a hefty chill still clings in the air, lingering like a fart at Christmas. A cold February, much like a Crimbo fart, is an annual inevitability – unwanted, unasked for, and something that won’t seem to go away. Eventually the air will clear (in both circumstances), and before we know it spring will have sprung, bringing with it longer daylight hours, daffodils, and Lidl’s own brand Easter eggs. Until then, spring remains a distant dream, but it’s not all doom and gloom in yer dingy bedroom. Here are 5 things to do before we bid goodbye to winter for another year.

One

Enjoy the dark


Shorter days aren’t all that bad y’know, in fact there are certain things you can do in the dark… fun things – things with multiple partners. That’s right. Stargazing! Why what were you thinking? Pervert. If you’re lucky enough to live somewhere hilly then pack yourself a bag with boozy hot chocolate, coffee and blankets and go find somewhere comfy where you can spread out and stare skywards. Take advantage of the long, dark nights while you can – they won’t be here too much longer.

Two

Build a fort


If you live in a northern university town, you probably live in a terraced house. Did you know that terraced housing was invented by scienticians to see if a supposed sealed and insulated indoor space could have a 0% heat retention rate? The experiment was a roaring success, and naturally landlords around the country took notice, deciding to roll this idea out nationwide. The student house was born that day. Fortunately, students are both a resourceful and deeply immature bunch and have found the antithesis to the cold indoor winter – duvet forts. But wait! Here’s another fact: legally you are only allowed to build a fort before daylight saving time starts again, otherwise you face having your duvet repossessed by the bedding bobbies. You’ve got ‘til the end of March – get building.

Three

Final call for your knitwear


Knitwear is stylish – nothing says chic bohemian fashionmonger like hats, gloves and jumpers do. As the seasons shift and the weather gets better, it’s nearly time to forcibly hibernate your jumpers, scarves, hats and gloves for the summer. Unfortunately for some, not all knitwear survives the warmer period. Gloves can perish completely in the heat, appearing lost when you next come to search for them. Trapped jumpers can pick up a musty odour due to being kept in isolation from their natural habitat, and some scarves have been known to hang themselves (on pegs) in these adverse conditions. So try and enjoy your knitwear while you can, you may never get these moments back.

Four

Eat stodgy food


Okay, so your New Year diet may have been chugging along fine, or maybe it’s on the brink of collapse. If you’ve been struggling to resist stodgy food then resist no longer. Not only do we as mammals have a genetic predisposition to storing bulk in the winter, but in British culture, eating salad at this time of year is considered taboo. Put that salad away you damn hippy and eat this mash. Now.

Five

One more spin of your winter playlist


Whether it’s Christmas ditties, lovely warming folk, black metal or clowncore, there’s some music that just seems perfect for winter. Except clowncore, because that’s stupid. With winter winding up, it’s time to give your favourite winter records/digital music files one last spin/click. If you were organized enough to make a winter playlist, give yourself a deadline for deletion and play it as much as you can until then. Finally, when that day comes you can host a ceremonial playlist deletion party, thus officially signifying the end of winter and the beginning of spring. Or not, whatever.

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